i hate this. i hate myself.
i can't ever feel accepted or loved. maybe it's because i never actually am, or maybe not. i don't know. but i can't stand it. all i want more than anything is to feel like i actually belong with the people i love. i want to know that i am actually important to someone.
and it's all just so fucked. because i can't stop crying. but it doesn't even matter. in the whole scheme of things, nothing matters. i am so little and useless compared to the entire state of being. in a hundred years no one will know who i am. no one will care about anything that i'm feeling.
so why do i have to feel this? i don't understand.
i want to be happy.
i want to not hate myself for everything i am.
i wish it was possible for me to think that even if i tried to make something good out of my life, that it would ever matter. or make me feel accomplished. but i will always feel like i'm not good enough, and that it doesn't count for anything.
