i'm getting sick again; not in the cold-type, coughing sneezing itching aching type sick, but the constant stomach ache, insomniatic, loss of weight and increase in sodium sick.
the type where i sleep for a few hours, am awake for a few hours, and sleep for a few hours.
i forget the days and pay little attention to the time.
read for ninety percent of the time i'm awake, scarf down some high fat foods and no calorie drinks.
last time this happened i got an ulcer and didn't sleep for a week.
catching up on old habits and forgotten loves.
i miss my friends dearly, though.
the fact that none but two have tried to contact me disheartens me in the worst ways possible.
i don't like feeling as if i'm not worthwhile, but when it's the truth, i must face it.
i am frightfully understanding that sleep is supposed to bring us pleasure, much more than is possible to be felt in reality. i did not, however realize that the luxury of sleeping whenever i please would be accompanied by the discomfort of physical pain when i awoke. panic attacks are one such physical pain i cannot become tolerable to, and the shock of waking up with the unbearable feelings was one i felt unnecessarily rude.
i wish i had the comfort of knowing someone cared.
