'adventure can be real happiness.'

i know fortunes don't mean anything, but...

wiener dogs

i don't know how i'm ever going to feel happy again.
i don't know how i'm supposed to.

i need to never think again.

'but no one needs to say goodbye'

i hate this. i hate myself.
i can't ever feel accepted or loved. maybe it's because i never actually am, or maybe not. i don't know. but i can't stand it. all i want more than anything is to feel like i actually belong with the people i love. i want to know that i am actually important to someone.

and it's all just so fucked. because i can't stop crying. but it doesn't even matter. in the whole scheme of things, nothing matters. i am so little and useless compared to the entire state of being. in a hundred years no one will know who i am. no one will care about anything that i'm feeling.

so why do i have to feel this? i don't understand.
i want to be happy.
i want to not hate myself for everything i am.

i wish it was possible for me to think that even if i tried to make something good out of my life, that it would ever matter. or make me feel accomplished. but i will always feel like i'm not good enough, and that it doesn't count for anything.

all that i love and all that i need

i think i understand why people block out emotions. and memories. and thoughts.
it hurts so bad.
i can't stop crying for anything.

everything is so good and so bad. so happy and so sad.
it all overwhelms me. everything.



i
feel
too
much

it hurts so bad

all the right moves

i just need you to understand this --- even if it is only this, and ever this that you understand --- you are a fool; and there is always so much more beyond this.

i am a fool, too, rather wishing that i could delve farther into the depths of which i am sure exist only to tempt the needy, longing mind.

i need meaning.